Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Destiny of Dinosaurs

A friend passionately recommended Jurassic Park, the book. Of course, like every other child, I had watched the film earlier. But, the book is my friend's all-time favourite. And, so, I plunged into it. (Perhaps, I lied. I started rather reluctantly. Sorry, K.)

But, I must admit. I wanted to slap whoever tried talking to me while I was reading it. I wanted to keep my phone switched off till I finished it. I wanted Boo and Calvin to keep quiet for a couple of days. The book was... so fucking absorbing. Intriguing. You may use every nice adjective here.

For some reason, I didn't want to write a traditional review in my book-blog. I wanted to try something impish.

Since the time, I began reading the book, the tagline on the book's cover kept crossing my mind.

"In the future there will be dinosaurs!"

How different our world would be, if there were dinosaurs now? Or, how different our lives would be, if there were dinosaurs in India?

You are going to be heavily disappointed if you are expecting anything philosophical, or rational here. I am going for something light and silly.

If there were dinosaurs in Chennai, and if they weren't a threat to us...
  • Humans would include one more day to Pongal holidays. Dinosaur Pongal. Who doesn't need an extra day off.
  • Something like jallikaatu would be held for dinosaurs. No prize for guessing that actor Raj Kiran would tame the dinosaurs. And remember the patta-pattis, okay.
  • People, who visit pottikadais, would buy a couple of butter biscuits, and feed the dinosaurs on roads. I am sure the animals would be slobbering. I kind of find that image awww.
  • Government would ban dinosaurs's meat. Then the Facebook activists would post pictures of them attacking Dinosaur 65 and Lollipop Dinosaur.
  • Director Shankar would make films with dinosaurs. He would make them wear skimpy clothes and make them dance to the tunes of AR Rahman. And, you know who would be the hero. Our very own Ramarajan. It's okay if Maybelline and Loreal would have to manufacture more lipsticks. The film's title would be... erm... Ko Dina Engal Kula Dina.
  • Like cows and buffaloes, dinosaurs would zen-walk on roads, eating posters and leftovers in garbage yards, and taking monstrous dumps everywhere. Nice
  • Animal Welfare organisations would allow dinosaurs to share their shelters. They would be put up for adoption. Humans would name them Tiger, Tommy, Ramu, Mani, Blackie... and feed them curd rice. (If I had one, I would pamper her -- from buying squeaky toys to letting her sleep on my bed. And, I would NOT tie her up when scared visitors drop by. Learn to pet a dinosaur, man. Please!)
  • Dinosaurs would learn to cross roads in a self-aware manner. But, humans still wouldn't bother trying. 
  • And, finally, The New York Times would write about the queer lives of dinosaurs in Chennai and Steven Spielberg would read that article and suffer a cardiac arrest.

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