Tuesday, April 14, 2015

A Sunny Day: Of cliches and cleavages

Today, till 10 am, I was sulking. There was no purpose to life. I was reading The Trumpet of the Swan, and that's when my best friend pinged, "Movie polaama? Ek Paheli Leela? Sunny Leone's film?" A conundrum surfaced. The Trumpet of the Swan (a children's book) or Sunny Leone's film? I have never watched Sunny Leone's movies... erm... mainstream movies. So, I said yes.

I was excited. I was curious to know how Sunny Leone would look in regular movies. I quickly stuffed my face with Tamil New Year's Day special saapaad and rushed to Sathyam Cinemas. Damn! I was 10 minutes late. Stamping 10 pair of feet in the dark, I went to our corner. While I sank in my seat, my friend said, "You missed Sunny Leone's introduction scene..." Fuck! My universe collapsed. My life lost its purpose again. I was mad at myself for stealing my own little pleasure. But, I am trying to be pragmatic these days. Hence, I decided to be happy with what I could see further. In truth, my excitement wasn't extinguished. My God! My first Sunny Leone film at a regular theatre. And, it was houseful. Everybody loves Sunny Leone no? Okay, maybe, secretly!

Right! So, how was Ek Paheli Leela? (Loads of spoilers here.)

Talaash was the last Hindi film I watched. If a colleague didn't spoil it, I wouldn't have learnt that Kareena Kapoor was the ghost. Because I understand just about a couple of phrases in Hindi. Like tum, pyaar, mujhe, paagal, hum aapke hain khon, kuch kuch hota hai, dil chata hai... Get it? My inability to comprehend the language didn't thwart me from watching Ek Paheli Leela. After all, it's a Sunny Leone film man? Who wants to pay attention to words?

On the other hand, it's not the usual Sunny-Leone-film that you watch on those 'You' websites (of course!). Ideally, there should have been a story, screenplay, and some dialogues. Ek Paheli Leela has all of it too. But, it can be noticed only when Sunny Leone is not shoving her cleavage in your face. That happens in the last 15 minutes, because she marries a Rajput prince and becomes a bahu of sorts. She wears designer salwar that reminds me of nighties. Something like this.

The funniest aspect is this: Indian cinema will make Sunny Leone a kudumba vilakku too, if she gets married. (Not judging her here. But, just highlighting the absurdities in film industries.)

The story is also reminiscent of Anegan. Like some of the important characters still remember their previous lives. Sunny Leone too reincarnates. But, it doesn't really matter. She wears super skimpy clothes in every reincarnation, and in each life there is cleavage galore. At one point in time, I felt suffocated. Because there is just too much cleavage. Why the fuck did they even bother writing a story, when they could have managed the show by playing 10 songs of Sunny Leone flaunting her cleavage? My friend was upset that her favourite song - Glamarous Ankhiyaan - was not used completely in the film. That director had one job. Sigh!

Sunny Leone is a super model, living in London, in Ek Paheli Leela. Her friends con her into flying to India by lying that they were going to an Airport themed restaurant. Because she has the fear of flying. They make her down numerous shots, and the naive lady believes them too. What a twist! How intelligent! But, the stony-faced man beside me doesn't wink, doesn't move. His eyes are fixed on her.. erm... cleavage. No surprise there!

Then a lot more things happen. The film doesn't worry about plot and all that. It has got Sunny Leone and it is all that matters. In her current life, Sunny Leone wears a lot of dresses, which have got windows close to her neck. One can look out of the window... no! Actually, one can look inside the window and find the very thing that we are discussing now. Am I now objectifying a woman? But, man, it's an erotica. I don't want to think that I am watching KR Vijaya or Ramya Krishnan play amman right?

In her previous life, Sunny Leone is that super hot, horny, village belle. And, she wears a skirt like the one that Sivaji Ganesan wore in Kandhan Karunai. Have you seen it? Like this.

All the women in her village appear normal. But Sunny Leone looks like she has viagara as three square meals everyday. But, I shouldn't complain. If Sunny Leone played a Revathy or Vidya Balan, why should my stony-faced neigbour come to a theatre to watch a Sunny Leone film? His mobile Internet should suffice.

There are myriad flaws in the film. However, that doesn't matter. After I watched Ek Paheli Leela, a realisation dawned one me: Story becomes superfluous in a Sunny Leone film because of the very brand called Sunny Leone. It's as simple as that!

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