Monday, December 16, 2013

Writing woes! Whew!

When I am often asked about the purpose of my life, I usually roll my eyes, oscillate my hip like a little girl, scratch my head and nonchalantly say, “Maybe, just to read and write!” That’s how simple are my ambitions in life. Although I cultivated the habit of reading quite recently (say five years ago), I have always liked writing. I still remember the first essay that I wrote about my family. And I wonder how I could frame sentences when I was not even seven (because I still get stuck quite often). I could constantly practise writing, thanks to my school, where I could participate in many essay competitions. During my school days, little did I realise that I was fond of languages. If I had known then, probably, I wouldn’t have chosen to study Commerce in school and Chartered Accountancy after that because I couldn’t cope with both of it. Then life took a detour and I worked in a BPO for about six years before I managed to get a job in journalism. Fortunately, for the last one year, I have been writing almost every day and I have to be grateful for having got what I didn’t expect. But today, I’m here to whine again for the very reason that I’m not writing enough. Quite contradicting, isn’t it?

Maybe, I should take you back to 2008 when I began blogging. It all started with a couple of short stories, which I have chosen not to read again in my life. But I was proud of the fact that I could write stories and I went around telling people, “Look! Look! I can write!” And that was when a super rude acquaintance chose to quell my spirit with his negative criticism. I stopped writing for a while. Then I tried to hone my skills. And yes, it worked to a decent degree and I thought, perhaps, I was ready to resume scribbling. I started writing again in 2010 and since then, I have been trying to update my blog quite often. After taking up a reporter / sub-editor job at Deccan Chronicle, I couldn’t blog much. But this October, I was addicted to the pleasure of writing flash fiction and I even wrote two stories a day. For a month, the flow was not disrupted at all until a lot of friends wrote kind words to me. A lot many told that they log into Facebook everyday to read my stories. And many told that they thoroughly liked reading my ‘kutti kadhai’. Despite accepting the compliments humbly, I experienced withdrawal symptoms. The frequency of writing two stories a day came down to one and I gradually stopped writing. Now many friends inquire why I have stopped writing. Honestly, negative criticism and excess love in the form of appreciations bog me down. I quit writing when my style was ridiculed. Now I again battle with another phase of dryness because I realise that there are some people, who look forward to reading my pieces. Their expectations pressurise and I succumb to the stress. I end up not writing anything at all because I worry about meeting my readers’ expectations. That mere headache makes me forget my belief that I write for myself and I write to nourish my soul.

I’ve been telling myself that I should clear the cobweb that's formed in my blog soon. However I had to push myself to reappear here. When I feel the impulse to write a piece, I pen it down come what may. But when I’m not inspired enough, writing a small blog also comes across as a herculean task. I am constantly trying to overcome what seems to be one of the biggest challenges. However, one of my favourite writers Ernest Hemingway comes along to help with his inspirational opinions!



2 comments:

  1. There should be no pressure. Don't set a frequency for these things. If there's a thought bubble, capture it. Till then enjoy thinking or pretend to think. Wink.

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  2. Thank you so much, Sriks :D :D Means a lot to me!

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